There’s a big difference in a marriage between managing and expressing anger, and letting your anger manage you. When the latter happens, you are in danger of hurting someone you truly and lovingly care about. Try these very simple techniques to put yourself in control of your emotions:
- Calm the situation down: It is okay to stop and count to ten. Just excuse yourself from the conversation and leave the room. Go for a walk or get on the exercise bike for ten minutes. Do whatever it takes. Then come back and express your feelings in a constructive and objective manner. When you lose control, you can lose respect and your own self-esteem.
- Communicate how you feel: It should never be a judgment. Use the terms “I feel hurt” or “I feel disappointed” instead of “Why do you always do that?” Always be specific; do not generalize. Think for a second and then say, “I’m not very happy that you left the cereal bowl on the counter top.” Mumbling about the fact that your spouse never cleans up creates an even bigger issue.
- Look for solutions whenever possible: Work to solve the problem at hand. If your partner leaves dirty dishes around, wash them. That can be a gift of time to a well-meaning but overstressed partner. If there is distance or in attentiveness in the marriage, schedule a date out or book a weekend at a bed and breakfast.
- Use proven relaxation techniques. When you feel yourself getting upset, practice deep-breathing, visualize your favorite summer beach, listen to your favorite music, or invent and use a personal mantra, such as, “I am in control.”
- Seek professional guidance: If you find yourself unable to control your anger on a consistent basis, seek professional help. We offer anger management workshops and work one-on-one with spouses. These counseling and talk therapy sessions are very effective options for controlling anger. Contact Orenstein Solutions and make an appointment with one of our highly experienced anger management counselors.
Each of these methods is critical, so bring all of them into your nuptial toolbox as you deal with the frustrations and irritations everyone experiences in a marriage. Know that seeking help can be a huge difference-maker in your marriage. Challenges can be managed.
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Good stuff. Anger is a common for everyone and it is healthy emotion. Although it is healthy, you need to control it. Over anger will always hurts you, others and even your health too. If you don’t control your anger, you may spoil your relationship with your spouse, children and friends. Do meditation, exercises to be cool. Spend some time in nature whenever you get anger. Use laughter therapy to control your anger and rage.